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[26 Apr 2005|10:14pm] |
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.............
One day left of real school, and I only have one class! The past week has been kind of weird, needless to say. Cindy came up over the weekend and we talked and began to take down this wall that I've build. Friday night was kind of hectic, but once everything cooled down we went and got pizza and came back and talked some more. We've had some bad times, and I just needed to let those go, because she is not that girl anymore. I realized how much she means to me and how happy she makes me. Friday night I was dying cause aparently I have asthma or something. Once we started laying together she put her hand on my chest and calmed me down and I stopped caughing, just like the time we went to the dunes, which is probably my favorite memory of us. I still love her sooo much after all we've been through, just took another hard week to really realize that. Candy Bars!
me
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[15 Apr 2005|12:49pm] |
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Isn't it sweet when someone really close to you decides to take their anger and agression out on you? Let me tell you, it is sweet, expecially when the only thing you're guilty of is either not being able to hear them or just being at a shortage of what to say about their current prediciment. It's a great feeling to know that in their eyes, you dont care. Although you've been amazing on other days, comforting them with their frustrations and always giving an ear to listen, but all that goes out the window.
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[07 Apr 2005|04:47am] |
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mood |
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music |
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MCR - It's not a fashion statement... |
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So I just finished with my jobs and it's nearly five in the morning. I told Cynthia that I would update soo here it is... More bad news today... the Get Up Kids are breaking up. Blink and the Get Up Kids in the same year... whose next? However... good news! They are coming back to town for a farewell show that Dan, Cindy and I will be going to. It's going to be sad though :-/.
I really want to go home. I am so ready for a break from school and all that jazz. Seeing as how Cindy was gone all last week and we barely got to talk, we're both really missing eachother. I really want to just spend some time with her and talk about things and just the completly inlove Dan and Cindy like last summer. We've had some really good conversations the past couple nights and it's made me very happy :-). It's good to know that you mean a lot to someone, and even better to know that you can make that person happy just by being yourself. Only a couple more days!
now, I think I'm going to go shower!
Dan
I love you!
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| This is the begining of a bad day |
[04 Apr 2005|07:58am] |
It's 8:00am, why am I up??? I awake because today hates me thats why. It started off last night about midnight when I learned that I'm missing my psych book. Apparently 15 people or so are missing text books, so we all had to make a police report last night. Then, about an hour ago, Bill calls me and said the jobs didn't send with my email. Turns out I forgot to attach the zip file. So I wake up to send them, and 20min later Bill calls again and said that two of them didn't send. So I get back up and send the two missing ones. Go back to bed, and within 5 min, my room is flooded with daylight... not too easy to fall asleep to. Then as I'm drifting off, Rick two ways me and tells to go move my truck because I left it in the commuter lot. So instead of going back to bed, I got McDonalds breakfast and now I think I'll watch tv or something.
Dan
I love you! I hope the drive up from Kentucky wasn't too bad today :-)
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| blah |
[02 Apr 2005|04:03am] |
We're already into April. Only one month left of school until summer vacation. It's 4am and I cant sleep, sweet. This is going to be completly random and pointless, but oh well. Didnt do anything today. No class, no work, just flat out nothing. Cindy comes home tomarrow. I didnt really get to talk to her today,but oh well. She got off the phone really fast when she was going to bed, I didnt understand. Oh well, a week left (crosses fingers) until we can spend some time together. I think if her mom doesnt let her come up, I'll have to drive down cause being apart is driving me nuts right now. Its freaking hot right now. I dont know why but im like sweating with my fan on and my windows open. Thank god for a rise in temp tho. The snow was really starting to bug me. Always cool when it first comes, but by the time March comes, I'm so ready for it to all melt away. But it's April, and it is all gone, so why am I still talking about it? I donno. Carol got really pissed tonight. I dont know what was so serious to set him off like he was, but I have never seen him like that. Usually we argue cause we're both really stubborn, but he was flat out pissed tonight. Like I just dont understand, nothing was said that was uncommon, and I didnt even say anything anyways. w/e, fuck it. I'm gonna go to bed and get some good sleep now. laters
dan
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| grrr |
[30 Mar 2005|03:49pm] |
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Yeah so, If you've read the previous entry, you'll know that I miss my girlfriend like woah right now. But I hate calling her to tell her that I miss her and everything because I dont want to ruin her time down there by feeling bad because I miss her. So, since I just keep that in, it sounds like I have an attidude/ that I'm mad at her, but I'm really not. So, she thinks I'm mad at her which is in turn making her feel bad and that is the last thing i wanted to do. Sweet job Dan. I dont know what to do, I want to call her and talk to her, but I dont wanna bother her. I wish I could shake this feeling :-/.
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| Another late night, and class at 11 tomarrow... thank you WoW |
[30 Mar 2005|03:06am] |
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Alkaline Trio - Smoke |
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So it's three in the morning and I'm still not in bed yet! Calvin, Kramer, Steve and I just played some WoW for the past couple hours. Damn blizzard didnt get the servers back up until like 11 at night :-/. I finally get a break with tests and papers and what not. Time to relax until this weekend when I have to start writing my SDA speech outline. Those are always a bitch to write because of the messed up format :-/. Then... ANOTHER PSYCH test on the 12th. After that I get to go see Dane Cook with a bunch of people, should be a good show from what i hear. The 12th is also Cindy's and my 2 years and five months. I really miss her right now. I wish I could just call her and talk to her, but I'd wake up other people and I'd feel really bad. We havent gotten to really talk the past couple days and I dont like it. Like a saw a couple tonight just laying with eachother, and I just wanted to be back home in my room with Cindy, with everything set up like i used to have it before i moved out, just lay together and talk. This year has been soooo hard on both of us and I think we deserve a vacation with eachother. No fighting or bickering or outside interuptions just both of us being real with eachother, showing the love we both deserve, and in a sense, revive that connection that has been hurt over the months of me being at school. God I miss her. The thing that sucks though, is even when she does come back, I wont be able to see her for another week on top of it so long as her mom lets her come up to visit me. Ah well, 10 more days maybe?
Dan
iwaly
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| it was 3:33 when i started this, so everyone should make a wish |
[21 Mar 2005|03:36am] |
So I just had an incredible weekend. It started off kind of crumby though.. Cindy and I really needed to see eachother, and we had made plans for her to come up on Friday. Well, while in history i recieve a phone call from her, telling me she isnt able to come up. Soooo, instead of fretting about it, i decided to just come down for the weekend. We just hung out and relaxed on friday night, watched a little but of Anchorman and ate some good ice cream. Saturday was kind of gloomy... raining and gray outside. we were both in edgy moods so we just hung out for a while. Thennnn, everything started to get extraordinarily better. We made plans to go hang out over mike's, which is always a good time when the 4 of us hang out together. We stayed in and watched the patriot.... they all made fun of me for my sherrades (sp?) We played some halo and talked about everything from our grandmas to the revoultionary war, lol. Well then we all went to bed i got to lay next to the most beautiful girl in the world! We once again had an awesome morning talking about everything and just smiling with eachother. But around 10ish we had to leave cause cindy had to be the easter bunny at hallmark. On the drive home, at the exact same time we had this thought about the four of us (mike, audry, cindy and I) to all go camping together this summer. I think that would be pretty fun, and we should definitly do it! It'd be sweet, my awesome girlfriend, my brotha from another motha mike, and my cousin "in law" from another...family... audry, lol.
Well, I waited until cindy got off work to leave so we could say goodbye. Now i miss her like woah and she's leaving in a few days to go down to siesta key for spring break. At least we had this weekend so show eachother how much we really care about eachother. I'm definitly glad i came down to see her, and i wouldnt have traded it for the world. Everytime i spend time with her im reminded about how addicted i am to her, once i spend a little time with her, i want to spend even more. I love her to pieces!
-Me
p.s. I love you ms. friedbottom! I want you to know that, i miss you, i miss you sooooo
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[17 Feb 2005|02:08am] |
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so i'm back at school after a nice weekend at home. I got to spend some quality time with some of my favorite people. Friday, Cindy and I went to mongolian barbeque thanks to her motha, :-). After that we just kind of chilled and watched tv and talked like old times. Saturday was pretty boring to begin with. I went to work and helped fix my aunt garage door opener. Then I went over Mike and Audry's place to hang out with them. We went to the mall and waited for Cindy to get off of work. After dinner at TGI Fridays we went back to mikes place and played halo. It was good times, minus cindy hitting me every time i "accidentally" killed her ;-). It's always so much fun hanging out with mike and audry. The next morning i got to wake up next to the most beautiful girl in the entire world :-). We layed in bed while mike's alarm kept going off in the other room, lol. We just layed there with eachother for an hour or so... peeerrrrffeeecctt. The rest of the day was kind of a downer. I left mike's cause i figured my mom would want to see me or do something with me, but she wasnt home when i got back... so i watched tv and waited until cindy got off work. while waiting... i fell asleep. Then cindy came over and we hung out again and just got to be with eachother. The next morning she came over early to celebrate valentines day with me. I made her the second best card in the entire world. THe one she gave me is the first best :-D. AFter breakfast we layed around until i had to leave at 2. Now im back here. :-/... three weeks left until spring break! I do wish i would have seen tim this weekend though. I was dumb in not stopping by after work on saturday. we'll definitily have to hang out a lot when i come for break.
me
I miss you like woah cynthia nicole! thanks again for this awesome weekend. i hope you never forget how much i care about you, cause i know ill never forget your feelings sweets... i love you!!!!!!!!
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[29 Jan 2005|12:32am] |
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God damn I'm bored. So I go a month or so without updating, write one or two, then forget about it for another month. Oh well. I introduced "Garden State" to my roomate,and some other friends tonight. Tim told me about it and let me borrow it before I came back up to school. I think it's one of my favorite movies now. Not because of plot or acting or anything like that, but because a lot of what they say in the movie makes sense. The dude from scrubs plays this guy who is numb to emotion because of all the pills his father/psychiatrist put him on in reaction to a childhood tragedy. He comes home for his mothers death, leaves his pills in California, and begins to feel things again. He finds this perfect girl and wakes up from this daze he's been in most of his life. One line inparticular made a lot of sense. It was about how we all reach a point in our life, where home doesnt feel like home anymore, and how we are all homesick for a place that doesnt exsist anymore. I kind of feel like that now a days. Like when i go home, it just feels like its a place to sleep, and when I come back to school, it Just feels like a place where i spend most of my time. Oh well. I just called Cindy cause I was thinking about her. She's hanging out with Brittany right now, so I felt bad for intruding. It sucks so bad not getting to talk to her. We used to talk on the phone for a while every night, but lately she's so busy and tired. I miss her a lot :-/.
I've decided that I dont know who I am anymore. I feel so lost in everything, hating a lot of the things I do and say. I used to have a good sense of myself, but lately I've been feeling desperate, for what... I dont know. Why am I even writing this? Who cares.
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| Now I'd rather sink than swim |
[27 Jan 2005|10:04pm] |
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Bayside - Talking of Michelangelo |
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So I decided I'd update for a change. Nothing too exciting happening, same things, differnt days. I've always wanted to have a lot of time to myself in order to do the things I want to do and put more effort into the classes I'm paying for... but I end up using all my free time to sleep, play video games or just sit around. Relaxing sure... but it gets kind of repetitive. Cindy came up last weekend. It was fun having her around and great getting to fall asleep with her. But now she's gone and I think I've talked to her for a total of 20 minutes this entire week. She has two jobs now so she's really busy and then the whole backwards schedule: I'm sitting around when she's in class, I'm in class when she's got freetime. It just sucks always thinking about a person, but rarly getting to have a conversation with her. Oh well, I think I'll go home in a couple weeks or maybe she'll come up in a couple, who knows. But I do know that I'm hers and she is mine, so thats all that matters. First test of the semester went down today. I would have been able to take another day had I of sat a row behind the one I did. I think I did pretty good though. One class tomarrow, then I'll probably sit around and play Halo with my friends. Sometimes I wish I would have taken another class.... no I dont, I just lied. No, music would have been cool. Then I could actually play my guitar. But it turns out you have to be a music major to take those classes. Dirty mother bastards. Oh well, I think I'm going to go read.
Dan
I love you!
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| 2005 bitches! |
[01 Jan 2005|05:00am] |
2004, a very eventful year. The year i graduated, moved away from home, started college, lost good friends, made better friends, lost my love twice, got her back twice, got a new car, grandma's cancer, my aunt's bad health, and of course putting my uncle nino in the ground. Cant say it was the best year, but it's the times that are hard to get through that we remember, and learn from, the most. I hope that 2005 will give us all a break on the bad times and cut out a lot of the drama. I hope that this year there wont be any family tragedies, losses of best friends or break ups. I want to ease up a bit and not let so many things bother me. I hate knowing that people think i hate them, when in fact... its just me being shy. I hate the feeling of jealosy and i think it needs to go. I dont want to worry nearly as much this year as i did last year. I want to keep my promises, give all i have to everything i do, and make more good friends.
No more resolutions... Well, last night i went bowling with cynthia and her family where i preceded to get my ass kicked... again... by her and her family. Paul, from my old job, called me tonight to let me know he asked his girlfriend to marry him a few hours before hand. He was always complaining before how he could never get a girlfriend, and now... he has a fiance' (sp?). I talked to Carol tonight and he was completly wasted. quick interuption: thats another thing i have to stop let bother me, alcohol. Maybe those close to me can prove that it doesnt just cause more problems. All in all, it was a good night and i had a lot of fun :-). Tomarrow I'm going over Cindy's grandparents house for dinner and whatnot, so that should be fun too. Her mom promised me that we are not going to have ham :-D.
tha...tha..thats all folks
Me
i love you! thank you for tonight and not making fun of me too bad :-). Thanks for the other night too, even though you were sick and pretty incoherent and took up most of the bed/covers, i still had an awesome time, expecially when waking up to see you smiling at me :-), i love you! Lets make this year incredible, and maybe next christmas you'll get and even better present if you know what i mean... you know, the kind that comes in rice pudding ;-)
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[19 Dec 2004|12:03am] |
welll........... today has been a day. let me tell you. First, Kaitlyn and I had to go and get a christmas tree for my mom. She told me about two differnt places, one where you cut them down yourself, or a precut place. Well, seeing as how i've always hated precut trees, i wanted to cut it down myself, but then i made a wrong turn and had to go to the other place. So then, when i get home, im carrying it inside my house, but then my mom started screaming for me that my something was wrong with my uncle. So we get in my truck and rush around the block to their house, go in... and well, my Uncle Nino died today. He was only fifty years old, and nobody saw this coming. My mom and i both tried to help, but it was too late. I feel so bad for his family and everything that they have to be going through. My cousins are both in highschool :-/. I stayed there for a while with my mom and everybody, but then i took her home so she could get ready to go tell my papa. I cant even imagine what that is like for him. Cindy came over after work to see if i was alright and to give her condolences to my mom. Around 4:30ish Cindy and I went back to her house cause we had plans to go with her family and her neighbor's family down to greek town. It was a nice escape from it all, but i still kept thinking about it. We had a nice dinner at pegasus and got dessert from the bakery across the street. After that we all rode around in a limo for a couple hours and saw all the christmas lights around the city and metro area. Even though i had a bad day, it was nice having someone there to make sure i was alright for a change. Thank god that this is the first time since my grandpa that anyone in my family has died. But i really enjoyed spending time with her and her family. They all treat me like i'm part of the family and it is just a great feeling. Christmas is in a few days, and i dont even know whats going on anymore. This week is going to be busy with the viewing and the funeral. I still need to go out shopping for some people. I'll find time.
Me
p.s. Thank you for being here today. I really appreciate it and I'm sure my family does too. It's nice to know that when we say we're always here for eachother, that we really are. I love you a lot, and even though today was really bad, you made it a little better. I hope you know how much you mean to me, so if i didn't show it tonight, You mean the world to me. I love you and thank you for everything
:-)
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| I lie for, only you.... and I lie well, hallelu |
[11 Dec 2004|11:31pm] |
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Brand New - The Quiet Things that No One Ever Knows |
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Cynical: Believing or showing the belief that people are motivated chiefly by selfish concerns
Last year in AP Lit. Mr. Alwardt told us that we were far too young to feel cynical about the world, but after the last year and a half, how could I not? I've always considered myself to be fairly trusting of people. I make promises with the intent on keeping them, and although I fail sometimes, it is no easy burdon to carry on my conscience. I HATE HURTING PEOPLE! I've been hurt so many times, by at least half a dozen people who I've considered close to me. I've seen best friends disappear, I've been spited by those I love, I've been lied to, and I've had my good intentions ignored. The worst part about it all...? I still haven't learned my lesson. I still trust those I should't, I still forgive people way too easily, and I rarely stand up for myself. Most importantly, I allow myself to commit such crimes. I've hurt people that didn't deserve it, and I feel horrible for it. I'll never be able to erase my crimes from my conscience, and that is my punishment. But one thing I do not do is SPITE people. Regardless of the good things I've done, whenever I fuck up not only do I have to deal with my own conscience, but people are sure to hurt me ten times more than I have ever hurt them. Is that what friends and lovers are supposed to do... hurt their counterparts? Why? Is it to protect one's own feelings? But is an eye for an eye really worth a friendship... a relationship? Is the satisfaction of revenge more enjoyable than time spent with a loved one? That question inevitably brings up another: What if tomarrow doesn't come for that person? People are very quick to take things for granted never realising what would happen if they lost it. But I guess I'm wrong on that. I mistake myself for being an important part in other people's lives, which is obviously untrue. Why else would people conciously forget me or hurt me? Dont get me wrong, I know people care about me, but some of the ones I thought did... didn't, or dont anymore. And worse than that, I feel like I'm on the verge of being like them. I hate it, I hate feeling and knowing that it is the path I'm headed towards and not being strong enough to change it. I'm a FAKE and a COWARD, and I know it. The only thing left is to change it. I suck at that though: fixing things. I'm afraid that if I try to fix whats wrong that I'll end up just ruining everything else. I'm tired, mentally and physically. More than that, I'm spent for words. So here's my monthly update.
One more thing that I want to do before I end this, is to thank those who are still here. All my friends up at central that I've made over the past couple months: Carol, James, Erin (even though you're leaving us), Calvin, Don, Kramer. My best friend, Tim, back home, and all my friends at kem-tec.
I'm sorry
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| We can Dance if we wanna |
[06 Dec 2004|08:20pm] |
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Men Without Hats - Safety Dance |
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Only a little over a week left to go for this semester. I can't wait! I definitly need a vacation which doesnt consist of me worrying about a precalc or chemistry exam or some huge paper that's due the next day. Next monday is going to be pretty bad, six straight hours of finals... 8 in the morning untill 2 in the afternoon... :-(, and they're the hardest ones too. Last night Cindy and her parents came up and we all went out to eat, where cindy proceded to have her mom steal the drink menu, lol! Then we went swimming and she kicked me in the face lol. After swimming we watched elf and i fell asleep cause well, i stay up until 5 in the monring every night now :-/. We talked for a while and had a perrrrffffeeccccttt night :-D. Then i stayed up real late trying to finish kemtec work and study for chemistry, but it turns out i fell asleep on my chem book. Luckily Bill called me in the morning to ask me about the jobs cause otherwise i would have slept through my exam for sure! Now I am procrastinating again because i dont want to work, but i should go print out jobs soon.
me
nine days!
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| I faintly remember breathing... |
[11 Nov 2004|01:51am] |
Two years ago, at this very time, i was lying awake on my rollaway bed in my dining room. I remember not being able to think about anything other than "did tonight really happen?" I was so excited/happy/undescribable... In less than two hours i fell completly head over heels for a girl i barly knew. She had opened my eyes to so many new things and feelings that i never knew existed. Over the past two years she has taught me how to love, how to be confident in myself, and that i like ketchup on my pizza :-D. I love you Cindy, i hope that all the perfect nights we have together never end. Even with everything that you and i have been through over the past two years, all the troubling times and sleepless nights... i would definitly do it all again. I cant wait for this weekend so i can fall asleep next to you like i did the other night. I cant wait to wake up and see your sleepy smile or feel your kisses on my neck. I promise that I'll always be here whenever you need me, i'll never stop wanting to hold you, or kiss you, or fall asleep with you, i promise that I'll always protect you with everything i have, and that i'll love you with all of my heart, and i promise that I'll always catch you.
me
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| It's not me, so who am I now? |
[03 Nov 2004|06:06pm] |
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The Used - Light With a Sharpened Edge |
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So i get to go home tomarrow. Very much needed rest coming up this weekend. I'll get to see cindy tomarrow too. I really need that too. I need to see her and sweep her off her feet like i used to do. We have a wedding to go to on saturday and with all luck she'll get to spend the night after that. I'm sure after this weekend, everything will be good. Once I come back I'll only have a month left of school and then i get to come home for a month. I cant wait! I need to start over because i hate being so... disorganized? Everything turned into a mess this semester and it definitly wasnt what i planed it all to be. But hey, have to get back up and try again right? I really want to get new strings for my guitar, but i'm too lazy to go the damn store. It'd be nice to actually learn how to play it. I think I might take an intro to music course next semester. This is all random so I'll stop
Dan
i miss you
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[29 Oct 2004|04:57pm] |
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music |
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Taking Back Sunday |
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Today starts Central western weekend. Scott is here already and we're supposed to go get food and whatnot pretty soon. It's pretty crappy outside today. All foggy and what not. I got to sleep in, so that was good. We watched Orgazmo earlier. The makers of south park wrote it a long time ago, i think in '86. It was pretty damn funny, let me tell you. I cleaned up cause well, one of my roomates is dirty and whatnot. I'm really bored right now. I'm talking to my one and only right now. She is getting her belly button pierced tomarrow and its going to be really hot ;-). I cant wait to see her and have things like they were. I miss her a lot. I dont know what I'm doing tonight. I think I'll end up chilling here, probably do some work cause i have a crap load for the weekend. I should also study for precalc cause i have an exam on monday that i should probably do on. But yeah, I'm done rambling!
Dan
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| this weekend... |
[24 Oct 2004|10:42pm] |
all in all this weekend was pretty good. I came home and got to go to don pablos and well, that is always a good time. Then i came home and fell asleep. The next day was my dads party. there was a lot of people at my house and it was nice. Tim and bill came out and it was a good time. Then after the party I went and hung out with Amber before she had to go to work. After that Tim and I drove around and listened to some good music. we picked up dan and we all hung out and went to ruby tuesdays. After dinner we dropped dan off and tim and i had an awesome conversation. He left around one o'clock and then i went up to meijers to get a journal. I ended up sleeping really good last night. I had a great dream about being at the lake and what not. I slept in until noonish and then shortly after rick and i drove back up to school. SO now im here and watching south park and i dont want to go to school tomarrow. but yeah, im done now.
Dan
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[14 Oct 2004|06:37pm] |
I woke up early this morning around 4am
With the moon shining bright as headlights on the interstate
I pulled the covers over my head and tried to catch some sleep
But thoughts of us kept keeping me awake
Ever since you found yourself in someone else's arms
I've been trying my best to get along
But that's okay there's nothing left to say but.
Take your records, take you freedom
Take your memories, I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me.
I went out driving trying to clear my head
I tried to sweep out all the ruins that my emotions left
I guess I'm feeling just a little tired of this
And all the baggage that seems to still exist
It seems the only blessing I have left to my name
Is not knowing what we could have been
What we should have been.
So.
Take your records, take you freedom
Take your memories, I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me.
Someday I'm gonna run across your mind
Don't worry, I'll be fine
I'm gonna be alright
While you're sleeping with your pride
Wishing I could hold you tight
I'll be over you
And on with my life.
Take your records, take you freedom
Take your memories, I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me.
Take your records, take you freedom
Take your memories, I don't need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you'll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I'll feel a whole lot better
But you'll think of me, you'll think of me.
And you're gonna think of me
Oh someday baby, someday...
goodbye
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